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Elves Christmas Card
Merry Christmas from the Toymaking Elf, the Testing Elf, the Baking Elf, the Shredding Elf, and the NEET Elf. Made from thick high-quality matte paper.
• Cardboard paper
• Paper weight: 7.67–10.32 oz/yd² (260–350 g/m²)
• Size: 4″ × 6″ (101 × 152 mm)
• Paper thickness: 0.013″ (0.34 mm)
• Coated outer surface
• Blank product materials sourced from Sweden, US, Brazil, or China

Elves Christmas Card

$3.00Price
Quantity

    The Monster Queen

    The monster queen was very mean.
    She hit the king and made him scream. 
    She threw all her subjects into a prison. 
    She made them eat bricks without a decision. 
    But out of their ranks there arose a hero, 
    determined to reduce the monster queen to zero. 
    One day when she was making her rounds, 
    stomping poor prisoners hands on the grounds, 
    the hero came crashing down the hall on a swinging chandelier 
    and filled the monster queen with fear, 
    and when his swinging brought him near 
    he thrust a spear through the monster Queen‘s ear, 
    squishing her brain as if it were deer. 
    Deer meat, as it were, and it was, to be clear --
    the queen had been made in a lab by a queer 
    (in the old sense) type of wizard 
    who meant to use a lizard, 
    but stuffed full of beer, his head wasn’t clear, 
    and he reached for the closest and nearest thing near. 
    And the deer brain he used had been more than abused, 
    it was rotting from sitting in the cellar, unused, 
    alone in a jar on a shelf by the bar
    pickling and popping in solution of tar. 
    Thus was the monster queen built from a beast 
    with the head of a hippo and the arms of a priest (of Mars) and scars 
    on her hairy horse legs, that whoever sees her for his very life begs, 
    but that is all over and done now, her body was burned, 
    and the wizard was drowned down in the moat
    and from his bones they constructed a boat 
    whose sail was the stretched out skin of a goat 
    and whose anchor was cast in the hero's form
    and they sailed the ship out to be sunk by a storm
    to slumber forever in the ocean's dark dorm

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